Sickness

You reach a point where you become so sick of everything. You no longer take any interests in once you hold there. Once there was a girl sitting next to you and you can't resist to swing your eye across. Once you wanted to be free, and now you just want to find your own space and remain confined within it. Once you hoped for change, but now all you want to do is sit still and hoping that everything is stagnant.
There are two type of sickness that leads to this type of mentality:
- the sickness due to abundance: you have everything but then you realise that everything you have means nothing
-the sickness due to shortcoming: you have nothing but you tried to get things but in the end all your attempts where denied and you are too exhausted to take another step
I suffer from latter one. But, what's really frustrating is that although i suffer from this illness. My heart aches from my incompetence and aches from the hopeful envisage i had. But what can I do? Is someone gonna come out and hold you hands and tell you this is your new home? Is someone gonna come out of nowhere and tell you I'll find you a place where you can be comfortable by yourself?
Well, no. Life doesn't work like that. Or more like, it didnt work like that for me. Here is what life is like for me. I happen to be a builder. Just a builder with no understanding of architecture but I'm just trying to build a shed just for me. What happened is that I did build a shed, but it looks shit. But i was happy with it. I was happy until someone knocked it down, saying how hideous it is. Because, they tell you that life doesnt approve it, so you must change your mindset and live life.
It made me more confused about life in general and reminded me about that time i wrote the poem on eternity back when i was 16. I did it out for fun and love. I thought it was stupid for someone to be sick of life. But, i understand now. Life is pretty miserable. It loves giving people hope, but at the same time it loves taking away hope and fortune from them.
Let's take this example of a gambler:
He goes into the casino with half of his fortune. He gambles but all he does is lose. But life gives him hope, life shed light and allows him to win that last sum of bread he has. That last sum allowed him to win more than his fortune and it was the salvation of his life. But you think that life ends there right? But it really doesnt. Because with that sparkle of hope, he wants more. He becomes greedy and with that life robs everything from him.
Life is just sad. Sadness upon sadness bears its foundation.