Sickness

You reach a point where you become so sick of everything. You no longer take any interests in once you hold there. Once there was a girl sitting next to you and you can't resist to swing your eye across. Once you wanted to be free, and now you just want to find your own space and remain confined within it. Once you hoped for change, but now all you want to do is sit still and hoping that everything is stagnant.
There are two type of sickness that leads to this type of mentality:
- the sickness due to abundance: you have everything but then you realise that everything you have means nothing
-the sickness due to shortcoming: you have nothing but you tried to get things but in the end all your attempts where denied and you are too exhausted to take another step
I suffer from latter one. But, what's really frustrating is that although i suffer from this illness. My heart aches from my incompetence and aches from the hopeful envisage i had. But what can I do? Is someone gonna come out and hold you hands and tell you this is your new home? Is someone gonna come out of nowhere and tell you I'll find you a place where you can be comfortable by yourself?
Well, no. Life doesn't work like that. Or more like, it didnt work like that for me. Here is what life is like for me. I happen to be a builder. Just a builder with no understanding of architecture but I'm just trying to build a shed just for me. What happened is that I did build a shed, but it looks shit. But i was happy with it. I was happy until someone knocked it down, saying how hideous it is. Because, they tell you that life doesnt approve it, so you must change your mindset and live life.
It made me more confused about life in general and reminded me about that time i wrote the poem on eternity back when i was 16. I did it out for fun and love. I thought it was stupid for someone to be sick of life. But, i understand now. Life is pretty miserable. It loves giving people hope, but at the same time it loves taking away hope and fortune from them.
Let's take this example of a gambler:
He goes into the casino with half of his fortune. He gambles but all he does is lose. But life gives him hope, life shed light and allows him to win that last sum of bread he has. That last sum allowed him to win more than his fortune and it was the salvation of his life. But you think that life ends there right? But it really doesnt. Because with that sparkle of hope, he wants more. He becomes greedy and with that life robs everything from him.
Life is just sad. Sadness upon sadness bears its foundation.

How and Why

People tend to ask too many why and in the end they forgot to understand the what elements that need to be taken care of. This is the problem with our society. People tend to be too fixated in analysing everything.
This is especially irritating when we need to face children. It would not be surprising for every parent to complain about the bombardment of Why's kids ask. We forgive them because they are children and they do not have sufficient that forms the basis to see how things work. But, if it was for someone beyond that stage, you will hate that constant questioning of why.
This is a struggle between the dichotomy: theory and practicality. Theory is our pursuit for knowledge, where the most plausible solution is made from assumptions. I would not argue against the importance in pursuing knowledge however, there extensive focus on why things happen is what truly boils my love. Why I say this? Well, I am a tutor. My students tend to many why do i have to take this step. Some of the questions are equivalently trivial to asking why does 1+1=2.
I believe that knowing how is more important then the why. Reason can be found from the basic principle of science. Where does scientific principles come from? Constantly question why this happen? Partly, but this could not be done without observations, which is the how. Science is an act of bringing a why into a how. They don't just start with a why. And even, in science, many things don't have a reason nor an explanation to it. But, we shouldn't question it. If we do, then we are going to introduce an arbitrary system to humanity.

Room for talk

It's hard talking to people these days. People have grown up, transition from the small pond of high school to the ocean of university. This transition makes it difficult for people to associate with each other I guess. People become busier and if we seek entertainment and amusement then we look to the younger one, still struggling with high school. But they have no interest in talking to us older ones because they think we are another league. The young ones leave no room for the older colleagues. If we look to the older ones, they barely even look at us. They see as immature beings, knowing nothing about our own place, nothing about the worlds place and it's cruelty. They leave no room for us too. So here we are left alone, confined within the walls of our own intellect and arrogance. We are slowly becoming claustrophobic.

Welcome to forever

I'll welcome you to forever because eternity is what people aspire to. But then nothing last forever not even our own memories which is sad. I want my past to last forever but they don't and they become memories and memories die with age. It's a shame.

I decided perhaps if I am able to record every good or sad moments which I find amusement in then I could preserve it forever. But at the same time I must move forward because a man without a future is useless.

Looking forward to the future.